Contrasting with most other large bridges, this one features a long and stunning wall right up against the water's edge. Check out Hopper's Hands as a tribute to bridge iron workers; and Fort Point which serves as an abandoned military base directly underneath its south end.
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Explore "Old Sacramento" while witnessing men and women race over Tower Bridge, before heading back toward West Sacramento via River Road, Gregory Avenue and Village Parkway.

Highlights

At Glasgow's postcard-perfect bridges on this comprehensive sightseeing tour by bicycle. Your journey begins by pedaling along a flat path towards the ferry landing where there are bike racks (free during winter, $3 for valet bike parking the rest of year).
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On this two-hour guided bike tour of central London's landmarks, learn the history behind iconic structures like Tower Bridge, Nelson's Column and St Paul's Cathedral.
No matter if you choose an electric bike or regular bicycle, the ride is smooth. Your guide is eager to share fun facts about each site you see; in several instances they have even stopped to help people with flat tires or assisted a woman who crashed and broke her arm; it is this attention to detail that sets this tour apart.
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Distances

The Tower Bridge is an eye-catching red wall set against the skyline of London that appears as though it were an arch, though in reality it looks more like a bridge from end to end. Furthermore, there's even an eye-catching sight: an adorable small hoodoo sitting atop it for extra charm.
Biking enthusiasts will find riding across the bridge and down into Sausalito enthralling; here you'll find many charming shops. However, young children and those less adept on bikes might prefer other forms of transportation instead.
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If you are crossing the Golden Gate Bridge on a guided tour, your guide will introduce a safer bike route with stunning views of the bridge that avoids steep hills in Fort Baker and leads straight onto an ideal bike path - much preferable than Alexander Avenue route which was dangerous and traffic-intense.

Routes

As a way of exploring your city on two wheels, there are various bike routes you can take to navigate around it. Google Maps offers bicycle navigation instructions while Strava provides another tool to plan out bike routes.
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One of the most scenic bike routes is crossing Tower Bridge on your way to Yerba Buena Island. This offers amazing vistas of both the bay and bridge. Another alternative would be cycling along Oakland's new Judge John Sutter Regional Shoreline park which provides safe multimodal access to its shoreline as well as stunning views of San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge's eastern span.
After starting at Gabriel's Wharf, follow the Thames eastbound until reaching Southwark district - once home to bear-baiting pits, whore houses, playhouses, murky taverns and more. At Southwark you will also encounter bear-baiting pits, whore houses and playhouses - before continuing onto Tower of London where its unique architecture and history await you before cycling towards Butler's Wharf and Shadwell Basin.
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Safety

Participants on a Tower Bridge Bike Tour must be capable of riding their own bicycle; tag-along bikes, child seats or strollers are not permitted for safety reasons.
For a shorter ride, start from Alexander Avenue's south vista point and ride directly downhill towards Sausalito - this route will cut out hill climbing by less than two miles! However, riding with traffic on narrow roads does mean sacrificing spectacular views of Golden Gate Bridge (passing underneath and then riding alongside it) and Fort Baker.
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Aquatic Park Municipal Pier, an historic narrow comma-shaped pier, provides some extra distance and beautiful views back towards San Francisco, Alcatraz and bay bridges. Additionally, this pier marks the start of a scenic pathway into Sausalito that leads to Warming Hut with refreshments, snacks and bathrooms available there.

Previous Part: https://www.reddit.com/redditserials/comments/13sxdo9/i_accidentally_joined_the_mafia_in_south_brooklyn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
These last few parts have taken a lot longer for me to write than I thought. A lot of shit has gone down in the last two months, and a lot of it, frankly, is kind of a blur. But I figure, if you've stuck with me this long, then you deserve to know how it all ended up so I'm going to try my best to remember every detail of what happened.
Me? I've spent every free hour I've had, just lying in bed. I've got a lot of healed wounds that still hurt me pretty damned badly.
Blood loss from multiple gunshot wounds and then drowning in the East River, dying and then being brought back while still human, incidentally, takes a lot out of a guy.
But… I'm getting way ahead of myself.
Where were we, again?
Oh yeah, that's right. The funeral without caskets, inside of a Ukrainian restaurant just off the boardwalk in Brighton Beach. That's where I left off at.
()()()
Antoni's corpse and I had spoken together for a while longer, about Beccs and their baby, actually, sitting there in the floor in front of the three empty bathroom stalls. The next moment, as usual, he was… just gone.
It took a while to slow the bleeding, and it took even longer to try and clean myself up with just hand soap and paper towels and the water from the sink. Nobody came into the bathroom again, and as I left, I saw why. There was a sign on the door that read 'Out of Order' with something printed below it in Cyrillic that I imagined probably said the same thing as the English.
My new winter coat had been left on the floor in front of the door and the Emergency Exit at the end of the hall had its alarm disabled and had been left propped open with a brick.
I took that as a clear message that they didn't want me rejoining the party, so I exited into the alley and sat on a milk crate chain-smoking until 2 PM when the funeral ended.
The weather app on my phone said it was 10 degrees outside, but oddly enough the cold air felt soothing on my bruised face. My eyes were nearly swollen shut, and every now and again I had to pull some of the toilet paper out that I'd stuffed in my pocket to wipe another trickle of blood from my nose when I sniffed a little too hard and moved the clots loose.
At 1:57, I started to hear people exiting the restaurant, so I moved onto the sidewalk to wait for Becca. The people leaving the funeral only glanced at me for a second and then looked away with a bored expression, like I wasn't even there. Finally, only Becca and Toni's immediate family were still inside.
Tatiana gave Becca a hug, Igor, a gentle handshake, and Antoni Sr. bent down, cupped his hands around Becca's face and pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead. I could see that his right hand was bandaged and he was holding it straighter than his left. Good. I hoped the fucker had broken it when he'd punched me in the jaw.
As Becca exited, I could tell she was angry even before she stomped over to me and shoved me three times in quick succession. Like Jimmy, Becca was a lot stronger than she looked, but now I knew why. I couldn't do much but ball up and take the hits.
"Where the fuck did you go? You just took off and left me there by myself. 'He wouldn't have left without saying goodbye if he had a choice.' You knew, you cocksucker, you knew, you knew he was dead!"
"Yeah, I knew! Antoni was in the news. But we gotta get the fuck out of here, Beccs, you're making a scene, another one, and I gotta get outta this neighborhood before something worse happens to me."
The high color of anger in her cheeks dropped away immediately into a pallid white. She'd been so pissed she'd never once registered the state of my face.
"Jesus Christ, Tony, what the fuck happened to you?"
"Your little Polish sausage's Daddy Dearest just beat the fuck out of me in the men's bathroom, that's what the fuck happened."
"Why would he do that?" Becca asked, but I didn't answer. She looked back to Skovorodka, following my gaze. Antoni Sr. was still standing there, just inside the front door, watching me with narrowed eyes, his hands folded neatly behind his back like a soldier at ease. It reminded me a lot of how Antoni used to stand while we were waiting for the train together.
"Fuck," she muttered, then "Shit," and grabbed me by the arm. "Come on."
"Why would he do that?" She asked me again as we climbed the stairs to the train platform.
"Antoni was Mob, Becca, Bratva. His whole goddamned family is. Him and his brothers and his father and his fucking Russian uncle, and I'd say your Mama Tatiana probably isn't in the dark about what her brother and her hubby and his sons do to make a living, either. I don't know why the Zabrowskas were on the Avenue, but suffice to say it was probably for nefarious reasons, and Jimmy found out about it and took care of business.
"Only I don't think he realized exactly who he was taking out at the time he did it, or else he never would have put the body in the River for somebody to find. And then the other three showed up to avenge their brother, only two of 'em never made it past Bianchi any farther than Antoni did."
"The fuck are you trying to say?" Her tone says she already understands just fine and doesn't want to.
"I'm saying your dear sweet Mamma killed your boyfriend, Becca. She removed all the identifying marks from his body, ate what she wanted, then pulled all his teeth out and chewed off his hands and his feet. They dumped the body in the East River and they found him about 5 days ago, floating off of Battery Park."
"Oh God. That's why. I asked Tatiana where Antoni was going to be buried and she told me in the public cemetery on Hart Island. They're not claiming the body because they don't wanna go to the cops. For the last week I been cussing him for everything he was worth, and he's been laying in the fucking morgue." She pressed her hand to her mouth, and I saw her bloodshot eyes filling with tears again.
"Please don't cry, Becca, cause I'm gonna start crying again and I've cried enough for today."
She sniffed back her tears and swallowed hard.
"But I don't understand, Tony, what the fuck does that have to do with you?"
"They knew, Beccs, they knew how the Zabrowskas died, who killed them, and they knew I helped Moretti get rid of the bodies afterwards. That's why Antoni's father went after me. The uh… the fucking Pakhan thought Jimmy sent me there to rub it in their faces that they weren't going to be able to bury any of their boys."
"How the fuck would they know that?" She barked at me.
"Somebody's feeding them information and not some asshole on the street, somebody from inside the Camorra."
"Who would do that?"
I saw her eyes darting about wildly as she tried to think of the answer to her own question.
"I don't know, uh, the driver that brought Moretti, he didn't look like he was too fond of Bianchi, maybe he's a fucking option."
"Frankie? I mean, him and Ma have never gotten along. He's never liked her and the feeling's mutual but… that doesn't make any sense, Frankie's always been loyal to the Camorra. Rossi always said he practically muttered the Omerta in his fucking sleep, that he was a soldato down to the bones."
"I have no idea, Becca, but it gets worse," I said quietly. If it didn't hurt so goddamned bad, I would've squeezed my eyes shut.
"How the fuck could it possibly get worse, Tony?"
"First you gotta promise you're not gonna hit me again."
Her hand balled into a fist, and I couldn't help but flinch.
"I'm gonna knock you the fuck out right now if you don't stop wasting my time, Cipriani."
"I sold her out, Becca. Bianchi. I told them where she lives and how to find her tonight."
"You what!?"
"I had to! He was gonna cut my fucking fingers off, and I don't know if he was going to take all four or just three but I wasn't about to fucking find out. I kind of need those fingers seeing as I'm a fucking southpaw!"
I held my left hand out to her, curled my fingers inward, but the third finger just… stayed straight. "Ah, fuck, I didn't even notice that."
"Jesus Christ, the tendon's been cut," she whispered, and when she pressed her hand to her mouth again she looked less like she was swallowing back tears and more like she was trying to swallow back vomit. I couldn't really blame her. I felt pretty nauseous myself.
"You know, I'm, I'm not worried about Ma," she said, finally. "It wouldn't be the first time somebody's tried to take her out. She's harder to kill than they think."
"Would, uh, would cutting her head off work? Cause if so I think they're already pretty aware of how to get the job done. They… they know Bianchi's not human, Becca."
Her face got paler, if that was even possible, and her eyes were the size of saucers.
"This is a goddamn nuclear disaster. Jesus fuck."
We stood the last few minutes waiting for the train in silence. As the doors slid shut and we sat down, Becca began laughing wildly.
"So you're in hysterics for real, huh?" I asked.
"You're gonna have to forgive me, I'm a little slow on the uptake today, but I just got it, Polish sausage… only, he wasn't little, you know, he was hung like a fucking horse, and it's a goddamn tragedy for women everywhere that the man isn't on this earth anymore. And he knew how to use it, too. Best sex I ever had in my life… only sex I ever had in my life, but that's not the fucking point." A short, barking sob tore out of her.
I groaned. "You know, that is way, way more information than I ever wanted to know about you and Antoni's sex life. You couldn't, uh, you couldn't let that one pass by, huh?"
"I never pass up the opportunity to make a good dick joke. And he had Good Dick."
I laughed and regretted it as it tightened muscles in my stomach that were still a little angry about being used as Antoni Sr's personal punching bag.
"Touché, Miss Rebecca, touché."
"The two-faced bastard, I gotta give the motherfucker that much, you know, it's a uniquely personal way to say Fuck You to the Underboss, getting his teenaged daughter pregnant. I am so, so goddamned tired of being a pawn in other people's games. He's lucky he's already dead or I'd kill the bitch myself," she whispered.
"It wasn't a game, Becca, what happened between you and Antoni," I whispered back. I knew because Antoni's corpse had told me as much. "Don't ask me how I know, cause I don't wanna talk about it, but it wasn't a game. You didn't know about him and he didn't know about you and it was a big, fucked up coincidence. You loved him, and he really, truly loved you... he worshiped the ground you walked on." Actually, he had said he worshiped the boots she walked in, but I figured it was a translation issue. "It was a regular old Romeo and Juliet: Brooklyn Edition."
She squeezed her eyes shut, snorted and at the same time choked on another sob.
"Yeah, but Romeo and Juliet ended in a double suicide, not a murder and a single mother." Her tiny hand went to her mouth again, and she wasn't able to hold back the tears this time. "I miss him, Tony, I miss him so fucking much."
"You know, Beccs, I miss him, too." I miss him when he was alive, not looking like a walking nightmare, and talking my goddamned ear off half the time, but I wasn't about to tell her that. "He was the first friend I made down here."
"It's fucking stupid. I still remember every single thing he said to me those first few times I met him."
"Odd as it is, I do too, Beccs. He was that kind of guy, I guess, he didn't have to work hard to make an impression on people. It was, uh, three days after I moved in, I think. I was in the basement, getting ready to do my laundry that morning, fighting with the stuck knob on that machine down at the end? And he walks in with his clothes basket balanced on his hip and reaches past me and just… turned the fucking thing, like it wasn't even stuck to begin with. 'It has an attitude, but it likes me,' he says, and I say, 'I can see that.'
"And he, he told me his name. 'Zabrowska,' he says, 'Antoni.' And I laughed and said, 'Nice to meet you, Toni, I'm Tony.' 'Really?' he says, and I say 'Yeah. Really. Antonio Alessio Gioele Cipriani, the third, if you please.'"
"Goddamn, that name is painfully Italian. No wonder you tell everybody 'Just call me Tony,'" Becca snorted.
"Thank you, Miss Rebecca, I can assure you I didn't pick it myself. But, 'Ah,' Toni says and kind of taps his hand in the center of his chest, 'Junior.' And I laughed again and said 'Our parents were goddamned creative when it came to the baby naming, right?' And he laughed, too, and shook my hand.
"And uh, a few days after that he showed up outside of my apartment and asked me if I wanted to go watch a game with him and his brothers at the sports bar down the street. It was Poland vs Korea. I still don't know shit about soccer, I've always been more of an American football kind of guy, but I did learn quite a few Polish swear words that day. Apparently they'd all bet money on the home team winning that game."
"I bet you did. Poland kept catching red cards that whole game. I bet on Korea, of course, and altogether I won 8 grand from four extremely pissed off Polish dudes when we stomped their ass all over the pitch. I had no idea how seriously the four of them took soccer. Antoni wouldn't even talk to me for three days. Probably didn't help I made an ass of myself laughing at all of them. Course, I woulda bet more if I'd known they were good for it. Dry cleaners, my ass," Becca spat.
"Well, in Antoni's defense, he probably did work at a dry cleaners like he told us, just like you work at a bodega, and Jimmy and me work at a restaurant, and Pops works at a hardware store. We all got day jobs. You know, I hate to bust your balls, Becca, but did it… never occur to you to ask Antoni if the tattoos meant something?"
"No," she said weakly. "I mean, I knew they were prison tats but Jesus Christ, half the people I know have been to prison. You've been to prison, half of my cousins have been to prison, hell, Pops has been to prison. You weren't here then, but all of 2016 to 2020 I was wearing a 'Free Rossi' t-shirt everyday, a lot of people in this neighborhood did. Ma got him off on the Murder 1 charges but numbers are numbers, and she couldn't get him out of the Tax Evasion. But I figured, if Antoni didn't wanna talk about it, then it was none of my business what had happened before we met each other."
She'd minded her own business a little too hard this time.
"What did you and Antoni talk about, Becca?"
"Everything! And anything, and nothing, all at the same time. He'd complain about living with his brothers, about Misiu always leaving hair all over the bathroom, and how Ciech always left sugar all over the kitchen counter after he made his coffee. And I'd complain about having to pick up all the empty bottles of makgeolli after my Dad in the morning. I'd help him wash all the dishes his dirty ass brothers would leave piled in the sink, and fold everybody's clothes.
"We got along well, me and Antoni, we were actually very compatible, we were both neat freaks when it came to our housekeeping. We even folded our towels the same way. And he'd bitch about how Igor could never balance the register correctly at the end of the day, and I'd bitch about how my Dad never checked our invoices correctly, and I was always having to cuss out the distribution reps for shorting us on our deliveries myself.
"And we'd watch TV together. He always made fun of me for the lame ass old Chuck Lorre sitcoms I loved to watch, and I'd make fun of him for all the stupid cop dramas he watched, every Law and Order known to man, and Blue Bloods and shit. We just… talked to each other, like we were two regular people, just living our lives. It was simple and it was easy, and it was enough, it was goddamned enough for me. Our relationship was the one normal thing I had going in my fucked up life."
She cracked at the end, sobbing brokenly. She turned her head to the side, pressed her face into my bicep as she wrapped both arms around mine. Tears filled my eyes, as well, and now I was wiping snot out of my nose as well as blood. I felt goddamned sorry for the kid, and I felt like she had a right to cry, but I had to distract her, for my own sake.
"So tell me, when was the first time you talked to Antoni? Was that the same day he asked you out?"
"No, there was some time between the two. He'd been there about a week, I guess, after they moved in. They got there back in like April. I'd fucked with him the first day, you know, asked him where the hell the accent came from, and he said Poland, and I told him welcome to America cause I felt like being a dick. And he said that he'd already been in country five years and I laughed at him and told him, goddamn, I couldn't tell cause he still sounded like he was fresh off the boat. And he got this look on his face, like he was trying to decide if he needed to be offended or not, so I told him I was just fucking with him, that he was doing better than my Mom, God rest her, cause it was seven years after she got here from Seoul before she even learned a word of English and my Dad was the one that had to teach her."
"Makes sense. I moved in in June, Toni mentioned he'd only been in the building about two months hisself."
She nodded, I could feel the movement in the sleeve of my coat where her cheek was pressed to my arm.
"Him and his brothers started coming in every day after that and you know, I kind of had my eye on him from the first time I talked to him. He was goddamn gorgeous, quite literally the walking definition of 'tall, dark, and handsome.' He had those incredibly blue eyes, and that fucking accent, man, shit put me in knots everytime he came in. I learned them all pretty quick, and Antoni was easy. He got the same thing everyday, box of Newport 100s and a pack of Russian Cream Backwoods with a large slushy. You know I gotta keep the cups behind the counter because motherfuckers'll fill it up and walk out when I get busy. I saw him when he came in, and went over to the ATM, so I had his shit sitting on the counter waiting for him."
Becca had a talent for memorizing all of the regular's orders, it wasn't unusual to see a long line of cigarettes, blunts, medicine, sometimes even crack pipes and Chore Boys, and anything else she kept behind the counter, set up neatly next to the register. She also had a talent for running both registers at the same time when the line got overly long and she was there alone. Sometimes I had no idea how she kept up with it all, but that was just Becca.
"And this drunk asshole came in, right after, he didn't even belong in the neighborhood, he stayed in Bed-Stuy, but he was with his cousin, and his cousin I knew and he was shooting me apologetic looks so I was already on guard. I was in a bad goddamn mood that day, anyway. And the drunk bitch, he walked over to the bathroom and tried to open it."
"Key's behind the counter," I said, and she nodded.
"And the key costs five dollars cause people make a fucking mess in the bathroom and I ain't cleaning that shit everyday for free. Well, drunk fuck got pissed and started talking a bunch of shit and threw his five dollars down on the counter, and you know, I can't stand that. You don't throw money at me, I ain't a goddamned stripper, you can put that shit in my hand or you can get the fuck out my store. And, I said 'Naw, son, for you it's gonna cost ten, five dollar Drunk Dick surcharge for being an asshole and cutting my line.' And the motherfucker… he called me a fucking stupid little bitch, and he told me people like me needed to be sent back to my own country."
I made a sound of disapproval, already seeing where this was headed.
"I hate that stupid shit. Where the fuck am I getting sent back to? The fucking hospital in Manhattan where I was born? Everybody in the store just kind of stopped and stood there, and dude's cousin? He just shook his head at me and walked right out the store and left him there."
"He wasn't gonna get involved, huh?" I asked.
"Fuck no. He wasn't stupid. I… uh, I was seeing red by that point so I balled up his money and I threw it across the store and told him to get the fuck out. I don't even remember half the shit I said to him, but I was yelling and he was yelling back and all of a sudden Antoni was… just there. I never even noticed him walking up. He was a big motherfucker, but goddamn he was quick and quiet when he wanted to be."
Becca laced her fingers through the fingers of my right hand and I gave them a squeeze as she readjusted her head against my shoulder. I turned mine to press a kiss to her hair. She was short enough that I didn't have to worry about bumping my nose. As I turned back, I noticed that there was a puddle of water on the seat across from us, and a pit formed in my stomach immediately. My face felt cold as the blood drained from it. The puddle of water made me more than just a little nervous to see it.
I had new enemies stacking up quick, and the last thing I needed was a pissed off, jealous ghost because his grieving fiancée was getting a little handsy with me. But… Antoni never showed himself, so I could only assume he approved of my offering her comfort in her time of need. Either that or he was waiting till I was alone to express his displeasure.
"'Is there a problem here?' was all he asked and the drunk bitch turned around and he got even more pissed. He goes 'Man, fuck you, white boy. Mind your own goddamned business.' And Antoni kind of got in his face, and goes, 'I have made it my business. She told you to leave. Either remove yourself or I will remove you.'
"And the liquor must've given him a bigger set of balls than he actually had, cause he took a swing at him. And Antoni, he just kind of… leaned back a little to avoid the swing and then leaned back in and… he knocked that bitch out cold with one punch. And then he picked him up, literally picked him up, and threw his ass out on the sidewalk, and kind of dusted his hands off afterwards."
"Well, if he's anything like his father then he could throw a hell of a right cross."
Becca laughed weakly.
"Yeah, his Dad boxes, they all did, you know, from when they were young. Antoni told me he got in his Dad's face once when he was about 16, and Old Papa Zabrowska coldcocked him in the kitchen, and when he woke up on the couch, his Dad dragged him out back in the alley and beat him bloody. Told him if his little grown ass thought he was a man, then he was grown enough to get his ass stomped like a man."
That made me feel a little better, to be honest. At least I wasn't the only one I knew who had caught an ass kicking from Antoni Sr.
"I bet he didn't talk shit to his Pops again after that, huh?"
"I asked him that exact question, he said 'Oh no, no, never again. I learned my lesson.' Toni and his brothers, though, were always getting in fights, even when I knew them. He told me it was hard on their Mama, back in Kraków, having four hormonal, teenaged boys with just shy of a year between each of them, you know cause… us fucking Roman Catholics ain't too fond of any method of contraception."
"I didn't know you was Catholic, too, B."
"Of course. Rossi is a devout Catholic, and that's how he raised me, and Nia, she's an Angel, you know, a Fallen One, that's what they call themselves, but she's even got real wings. A little more leathery and less feathery, but… same thing. She goes to Mass daily, turns out demons are actually very religious. Both of my parents were atheists, and that's how they raised me, but after some of the shit I've seen, you know, it ain't too unbelievable that there's a Big Guy upstairs."
She sniffed again, wiped at her nose and I offered her a bit of toilet paper from my pocket.
"That's how it all got started, the War in Heaven. God created Adam, the first living human body, and he told all the spirits in Heaven to kneel to him. And at least half of them weren't too fond of that idea, and the Morning Star stepped up as representative and said they wouldn't kneel to anyone but God. And they, uh, they lost the War, and He banished them all to Earth, to wander without bodies of their own while the other side got to come to Earth one at a time, to live their lives.
"But… then there was the first murder, Abel. Cain beat him to death with a rock, and the blood on the ground, the first human blood ever shed in violence, it called to God, but He wasn't the only one it called to. The blood, it gave him a way inside of a body. Lucifer. He was the First One. He's still here, you know, I've met him. He has a particular fondness for Nia, he calls her Young One, cause according to him 1607 wasn't all that long ago."
"I guess it isn't when you're that old."
"But, back to what I was saying about Toni, all of them were packed into one place together like fucking sardines, the four boys sharing one bedroom in a two bedroom apartment, and all having vastly different personalities. Tatiana is little, like me, and I don't imagine she could do much to break them up when they got to fighting about everything from who ate all the leftovers to who got the top bunks on the beds."
"Probably not," I answered.
"I mean, I could practically smell the testosterone in their fucking apartment whenever I walked in, and it was probably even worse back then. And apparently, that had been their Dad's method of keeping them from tearing up his wife's house all the time. Whenever a problem inevitably developed, he'd just take them down to the gym and throw them in the ring without any gloves and tell them to fucking handle it, and whoever was still standing at the end was the one that won the argument.
"Uh, but, uh, when Toni hit the guy, all, all I could do was stand there with my mouth hanging open like a fucking fish. I mean, I was in love, right that fucking second, standing there. The hormones were running on overdrive, my head was practically spinning with how fast all the blood rushed south, you know? Everybody was still standing there and Antoni tried to get back in line and I said, 'Uh-uh. Take your shit and go on.' And he goes," Beccs began laughing again, laughed so hard there were tears in her eyes once more.
"He goes, 'Am I in trouble?'''
I had to wrap my left arm tight around my stomach because I couldn't stop myself from laughing either. The makeshift bandage on my left hand that I'd wound out of paper towel had soaked through, I was going to have to change it soon.
"He didn't say that, Becca."
"Yes the fuck, he did. And I went, 'No, you dumbass, it's on the house, and in case I gotta translate, that means it's free. Small price to pay for a security detail.' And he just kind of blinked at me for a second, before he nodded his head and grabbed his things off the counter, went and filled his slushy up."
"You probably scared the piss out of him for that second, he probably thought he'd been found out. That's what they call it, what he was, Obshchak, Security Group."
"He stopped before he left, and told me thank you. And I said 'No, dziękuję', thank you. And then I winked at him and said 'Miłej nocy, piękna.'" She straightened up as the train began to slow for our stop.
"And what did that mean?"
"Have a good night, gorgeous." She said with a watery grin.
"Smooth, B, real smooth. Nothing quite like hitting on a man in his native language. "
"I mean, you know us, Tony, we got Southern Hospitality down here. As long as you're not an asshole, I do everything I can to make sure everyone feels welcome when they come inside. That's why there's a sign on the door that says 'DMZ.' They might have beef on the streets but don't nobody take that shit inside my store. And that means asking the Mexicans down the street if they need a bolsa, and making sure I ordered Farid's miswaks so he didn't have to walk all the way down to the Pakistani store, and sometimes it means learning a little bit of Polish so I could flirt with the new guy downstairs the next time he came in."
We exited the train, made the switch, and stood on the platform waiting for the next to take us back to Avenue U. As I glanced to the side, I could see a puddle forming on the platform next to me, drip by drip. It was already freezing around the edges. As it turned out, I wasn't the only nosy fuck around here.
"And apparently the flirting was well received by our dearly departed half-Russian friend."
"Apparently, cause about a week later I was having a busy fucking Friday night and my Dad had already gone home, and I was trying to shut her down but motherfuckers kept coming inside right up until 11. I made DeAndre from downstairs stand at the door and tell people we were closed and that he was the last customer for the night and after I rung him up I told him to flip the sign on the door and I'd lock it when I finished my cigarette count… only, I forgot to ever lock it, and DeDe's traitorous ass, he fucking set me up. He knew I had a thing for Antoni, and when he saw him coming down off the platform and rushing down the sidewalk, he let him in and told him he was the last customer for the night and to flip the sign on the door."
She closed her eyes for a moment.
"It took me… exactly 16 minutes to notice he was there. I know, cause after I was done pissing myself when I figured out I wasn't alone, the Polish smart-ass showed me his watch. He'd set a timer when he realized I wasn't paying any attention to him, and then just stood there, waiting to see how long it would take. I had my earphones in, and it took four songs," she held up her hand and ticked them off with her fingers. "'Savage Like', 'Money, Sex, Drugs', 'Proud' and 'Only.'
"I turned around and screamed like a little bitch when I saw him. And then I got pissed, cause I was embarrassed, I'd been singing along to all the songs cause I thought I was alone in the store. I started screaming at him. 'What the fuck, you can't read? The sign says Closed.' And he goes 'No, it didn't. It still said Open. I turned it myself.' I hadn't counted down my register yet, so I just went ahead and grabbed his shit and rung him up, cussing DeDe the whole time and I asked him how long he'd been standing there, and he showed me his watch. And he says, 'You shouldn't wear those, it's dangerous,' talking about my headphones, and I said, 'What are you, my fucking father?' And he got kind of a funny look on his face."
I released a weak snicker, holding my stomach tight again. I couldn't resist fucking with them both a little bit.
"He kinda had a point, Becca. Although, I can tell you he was probably less concerned about being your father and more concerned about becoming your Daddy."
"Oh, so now you got the dirty jokes," Becca said flatly.
"What can I say, B, you're a bad influence on me."
"Eh," she said after a moment, "You wouldn't be the first. You know, months later he told me that he'd stood there that long because he didn't think he'd have the nerve to ask what he wanted to ask the next time if he left, which, you know, what the fuck? What am I, scary?"
I couldn't help but laugh again.
"Yes, Becca, you are, you're fucking terrifying half the time. You might be a short fuck but dynamite comes in small packages, you know? He was probably afraid you'd tell him to suck your dick and ban him from the store for a month like every other poor motherfucker I've seen ask you out, and he probably didn't want to go through your particular brand of ridicule in front of an audience, on top of that, with all the other customers laughing him out of the store."
"It ain't my fault I'm this size," she said after a moment, shooting me a perturbed look.
"No shit, Sherlock. It's genetics."
"It ain't even that. It's the blood. I mean, my parents were both tall, you know, for Koreans, anyway, my Mom was 5'6. I probably would've been too if I'd had the chance, but, you know, the blood it… stops things. Why do you think Jimmy looks the way he does? I mean, Pops believes in 'aging gracefully,' as he says, but old Giacomino is a vain fuck, and he's got more of a taste for 'the Stuff' than Rocco ever had. He turned 65 this year, he's only two years younger than Pops, he was already 34 years old when he met Nia for the first time. He tells people he's got a good plastic surgeon, when they ask. And the same thing happened to me. My body wanted to stay 8 years old, forever.
"Rossi had to get hormones, fucking estrogen and progesterone and HGH, off the black market to force my body to start puberty and to fucking grow. It's not like we could go to a doctor and explain why I needed the prescription. I mean, these tits aren't even mine. Ma bought 'em for my sixteenth birthday so I wouldn't feel so goddamned self-conscious. Nia's not exactly flat-chested, as you know, neither was my Mom, and it kind of gave me a fucking complex when I was growing up."
"I mean, is she? I haven't really noticed," I replied, evasively.
"Yes, you have, you lying fuck. There isn't a straight or bisexual man, or a lesbian or bisexual woman for that matter, that comes within fifty feet of Appolonia Bianchi that doesn't notice all of her unnatural charms. It made for some interesting 'family' trips during the summer when we'd leave the city, lemme tell you. I asked Pops once, you know, if he ever got jealous when she'd show up with some random dick she'd run across, cause I used to think it was pretty shitty of her.
"I said she could've at least kept things on the downlow and not throw it in Rocco's face every few days. But he told me no, he loved her, he understood her nature very well and he'd accepted what she was years before I was even born, and that she loved him too, and more importantly, respected him. She always introduced the men to him because that was what he'd asked of her. That it was the one aspect of control he had in the situation, giving his 'permission' for her little liaisons. That it made him feel better to let them know they might be getting a piece, but she'd be ending every night lying in his bed, regardless of what they did."
I nodded. "I guess I can kind of see his point."
"But, the blood, that's how I ended up pregnant. I mean, I'm not a dumbass, I know how babies are made, but I wasn't worried about using condoms with Antoni, neither of us wanted to. I told him if he gave me anything I'd cut his dick off, and he knew I was serious, too, and he considered it a proportional response. I didn't even think I could get pregnant.
"I stopped the birth control when I was 16 because it was making me gain weight and my cheer coach bitched me out in front of fucking everybody, and Rossi's guy said I needed to keep taking it to keep my hormone levels even. So I told Antoni I didnt want to get into my medical history, but suffice to say I was probably fucking sterile anyway, so he didn't have to worry about it, and he told me he wasn't worried about it at all. But apparently my fucking parts work better than I thought."
"Or maybe he had some damned determined swimmers, who knows."
"I don't know why I was even concerned about not using condoms anyway. Technically we were all excommunicated as of 2014. Pope said the mafiosi lifestyle isn't compatible with the Catholic one. You know, I wonder how Antoni would feel about all this, I wonder if he'd be pissed, think I lied to him about not being able to get pregnant."
"You're just gonna have to take my word for it, B, but he's not angry in the least, he's pretty fucking proud of hisself." I'd say his chest was stuck out but he didn't have much of a chest left these days, so I just kept that part to myself. "Pretty sure he said he wasn't worried about it because he was hoping you were wrong about being sterile."
Beccs gave me a strange look but the train arrived at just that moment. The people exiting did quite a bit of staring, unlike the people leaving the funeral, but I just tucked my arm around Becca and shouldered my way past them and found us a seat. The drops of water followed us into the train.
"What's with the present tense, Tony? Is that some kind of cliche 'he's lookin' down on you' bullshit?"
I snorted and wiped the bubble of blood from my nose, staring at the puddle of water that was starting to form in the seat next to us. I could feel the cold emanating from Antoni all along my left side. Oddly enough, it was easing the intense ache in my nearly severed ring finger.
"He ain't looking down on us, B, I can tell you that much."
"So it's a Hell joke?"
"No, not really. But then again, I'm pretty sure we're all in Hell right this second, Miss Rebecca, so yes, yes it is."

Twas a good day

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After regaining his IWGP World Heavyweight Championship, Kazuchika Okada has the unfortunate responsibility of carrying the championship into the single most grueling tournament in all of professional wrestling: the G1 Climax. New Japan has decided to revert to the old format: twenty competitors, two blocks, nine matches per wrestler, and no semi-finals. Thirty minutes per block match, and the finals have no time limit. The highest scoring competitor from each block advances to the finals, and the winner of the finals goes on to compete for the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestle Kingdom. Now, if you’re wondering why I’m not doing the most recent G1 Climax formatting, there are two reasons. The first is that NJPW has announced the schedule, and it seems to line up more with a traditional G1 format. The second reason is that I REALLY DON’T WANNA FUCKING WRITE A FOUR BLOCK G1. With all that out of the way, let’s talk about who’s in the blocks!
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A BLOCK

• Kazuchika Okada: Of course, the very first entry in G1 Climax 33 is the man that all other nineteen men are gunning for: the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion, The Rainmaker himself, Kazuchika Okada. He just won his gold back, and he’s looking to hold on to it. If he manages to win the G1, he’ll be able to pick his own opponent for Wrestle Kingdom, and that’s a very appealing prospect for The Rainmaker.
• Shingo Takagi: The Last Dragon is a former IWGP World Heavyweight Champion in his own right, but it has been a quieter year for him than he’s used to. He failed to capture the title in his one challenge so far this year, but the G1 is a golden, shining opportunity, and we all know that dragons love their gold. He’s always dangerous.
• Bryan Danielson: Surprise! After capturing the IWGP United States Championship at Forbidden Door 2, pinning Will Ospreay, The American Dragon has decided to come to Japan and compete in a tournament that he has always wanted to participate in. Can he take things a step further and win the whole damn thing?
• KENTA: The Bullet Club member may not be what he once was, but he’s still KENTA, and he can always go on a run when he needs to. Right now? He needs to. If he can win the G1, he just needs to be perfect on one night, and that’s January 4th. He’s more than capable of pulling that off.
• David Finlay: He’s the self-proclaimed leader of Bullet Club, and in the absence of Jay White, Irish EVIL has to flourish if he wants to make sure that the Pew Pew Crew continues to be seen as the most dangerous faction in all of NJPW. They’d look pretty intimidating with a World Champ at the helm, wouldn’t they?
• Ren Narita: The Son of Strong Style looked good when he challenged for the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship earlier this year, but he won’t be satisfied until he puts that championship around his waist and fulfills the expectations that his trainers have put on his shoulders. Can he shock the world?
• Jeff Cobb. Big. Mean. Hawaiian. United Empire’s resident hoss is forever one of the most dangerous men in the company, but he hasn’t been able to break through and prove himself to be World Championship material just yet. He’s not getting any younger, either. Will his time ever come?
• Tama Tonga: He’s The Good Guy. Tama Tonga has flirted with the main event scene plenty in the past, but now, he doesn’t have the Bullet Club machine backing him anymore. Can Tama Tonga prove that he doesn’t need the black-and-white baddies to win the G1 Climax for the very first time?
• EVIL: Irish EVIL is already here, so we decided to get regular EVIL too. Another former IWGP World Heavyweight Champion, EVIL hasn’t come close to reaching those heights ever again. The G1 Climax can change a man’s fortune extremely quickly, so who knows? Maybe Everything will be EVIL once again.
• Toru Yano: He’s gotta be here somewhere, doesn’t he? Toru Yano will never win a G1 Climax, that’s just a reality. However, despite his antics, he is a legitimately dangerous spoiler. Every now and then, his plans work out, and he can derail somebody’s hopes of winning in an instant.

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B BLOCK

• Tetsuya Naito: First up in the B Block is perhaps the most beloved man in the entirety of NJPW, Tetsuya Naito. Naito is starting to get some ring miles on him, he’s starting to break down just a touch, but he is still one of the best competitors that New Japan has to offer. Everybody wants to see him succeed. Can he once again climb to the top of the mountain?
• Hiroshi Tanahashi: If anybody in NJPW is more beloved than Tetsuya Naito, it’s this guy. New Japan’s perpetual Ace, Hiroshi Tanahashi, is past his prime for sure. But an aged Hiroshi Tanahashi is still one of the best in the world, and he’s still VERY much a threat. He’s taking the G1 Climax just one match at a time, and Tana is more than capable of winning any one match.
• Will Ospreay: The Aerial Assassin. The Commonwealth Kingpin. Ospreay is coming off of a heartbreaking failure to regain his US Title at Forbidden Door, but he’s still potentially the most entertaining wrestler alive right now, and he’s a strong contender for the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship. Getting that title back from his old CHAOS stablemate is a huge priority for the BIlly G.O.A.T., and he can’t squander this chance.
• Tomohiro ishii: The Stone Pitbull is a guaranteed banger alert, but he’s got more years behind him than in front of him. Time is running out, and Ishii has to bite his very hardest if he wants to move past being a good match generator and turn into a G1 Climax winner. 141 141 141 141 141
• Yota Tsuji: Fresh from excursion, it’s everybody’s favourite Kirk alt! Yota Tsuji just graduated from Young Lion status, and it’s sink or swim for him, because he’s getting dropped straight into the shark tank! If he pulls this off, it'll be one of the greatest rookie campaigns ever. Can he, though?
• Zack Sabre Jr.: FRONT MAN. TECHNICAL WIZARD. Lanky fucking God can turn anybody on the NJPW roster into a pretzel, but he hasn’t yet turned himself into a World Champion. The leader of TMDK is looking to finally win a G1 Climax, and this may very well be his year.
• Shota Umino: Shooter is also a pretty recent graduate, and he has the Blackpool Combat Club stamp of approval. However, he’s still pretty unseasoned, and he hasn’t yet been claimed by a faction. He’s young, he’s on his own. It’s him against the world, but smart money might not be on the world.
• Minoru Suzuki: The King is fresh off of his very first run with the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship, and he’s not planning on waiting as long for his second reign as he did for his first. He looked very, very dangerous when he had the belt, to a shocking degree. Maybe he can keep it up.
• Taichi: He was a Dangerous Tekker. He has golden pipes. He kicks real hard. Taichi is one of the most underrated talents in the entire company. Boasting World Champion level skill along with Eurovision winner calibre singing ability, nobody wants to step into the ring with Taichi. This is his fucking year, man. It’s happening.
• Orange Cassidy: AEW wasn’t content with sending just one surprise this year, so they sent two! The King of Sloth Style nearly took the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship off of Minoru Suzuki, and that earned him a spot among the twenty wrestlers warring for the main event of Wrestle Kingdom. “Freshly Squeezed” is pretty calm about it all, though.

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G1 CLIMAX 33

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A Block:
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Night One
Block A is a stacked block, and Night One’s main event could potentially end up being the match of the tournament, because Kazuchika Okada is taking on none other than Bryan Danielson! The two of them put on a show, and end up going the distance! This means that they’re both middle of the road with a point each, and Shingo, Finlay, Tama and Cobb each nab two points.
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Night Three
After beating KENTA on Night One, Tama Tonga goes for revenge on another Bullet Club member in David Finlay. However, Finlay manages to take advantage of his aggression and cheat to win, taking the top spot with four points. Okada and Bryan each improve to three points, defeating EVIL and Narita, respectively. KENTA defeats Cobb to get on the board. EVIL, Narita and Yano all have zero. Shingo gets a win, and he’s tied with Finlay for first.
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Night Five
Ren Narita gets his first two points, toppling Yano, while Okada and Bryan both hit five, and Shingo and Finlay both hit six. Yano and EVIL are still scoreless, and Jeff Cobb is very frustrated with the fact that he has gone 1-2 so far, as have KENTA and Tama Tonga.
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Night Seven
EVIL manages to get on the board with a win over Tama Tonga, due to BC interference. Yano gets on the board too, beating Jeff Cobb, and Mr. Athletic tears up the ringside area in response! Bryan gets through Shingo, and Okada gets through Finlay, so the men that drew on Night One are both tied for the lead now. Ren Narita defeats KENTA, a sign of the changing of the guard in puro.
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Night Nine
Bryan defeats EVIL to take the top spot in the block with nine points, and Shingo is close behind, beating Finlay to keep the BC leader at six and improving to eight himself. Jeff Cobb finally breaks his string of bad luck, beating Okada, keeping the champion at seven! Tama also beats Narita, and KENTA runs through Yano.
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Night Eleven
Yano tricks Tonga and defeats him, making it to four points. Cobb builds on his momentum from last week, taking a huge win over Takagi, and Bryan expands his lead by beating David Finlay! Okada defeats KENTA, and EVIL gets passed Narita. Bryan sits alone at eleven points, Okada isn’t far behind with nine, and Shingo is in third with eight. Cobb and Finlay have six each, and the rest of the field sits at four.
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Night Thirteen
EVIL defeats Yano, and Cobb, after a shaky start, hits eight points with a win over David Finlay, who’s on a skid after a great start. Shingo breaks double digits, beating Tama Tonga, and Okada gets past Narita to do the same, hitting eleven. However, KENTA, who has history with Danielson, manages to upset The American Dragon! We’ve got a tie for first place between Okada and Bryan, with Shingo right on their tails!
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Night Fifteen
It’s the penultimate night of A Block action, and with the race being super tight, a win is super important. Jeff Cobb defeats EVIL, hitting ten points. A great run for the Hawaiian, but Bryan Danielson hits thirteen with a win over Tama Tonga, so Cobb is mathematically eliminated. Okada also hits thirteen with a victory over Toru Yano, and Shingo Takagi gets through Ren Narita to remain in the fight! Also, David Finlay hits eight points after beating KENTA. Okada and Bryan are tied for first, thirteen points each, and Shingo has a cool twelve.
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Night Seventeen
It’s the final night of A Block. KENTA beats EVIL, Cobb beats Tama Tonga, and Ren Narita beats David Finlay, all nice consolation victories. Bryan Danielson faces Toru Yano, and seems poised to run through him…BUT YANO MANAGES TO CLAIM ANOTHER SOUL IN THE BLACKPOOL COMBAT CLUB, BECAUSE HE OVERWHELMS DANIELSON WITH HIS SHENANIGANS AND BEATS HIM! BRYAN IS OUT! It all comes down to Okada vs. Shingo, Okada hoping to get one step closer to choosing his own Wrestle Kingdom opponent. The match hits 29 minutes, a draw would mean a Rainmaker win…BUT SHINGO MANAGES TO HIT HIM WITH A MADE IN JAPAN! COVER! ONE…TWO…THREE! SHINGO TAKAGI HAS MADE THE G1 FINALS!
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B Block:
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Night Two
We kick things off in style, with Orange Cassidy showing off his skills to the Japanese crowd, defeating Yota Tsuji. Will Ospreay kicks off his campaign by beating Shota Umino, and Zack Sabre Jr. does the same, beating one of his former rivals in Tomohiro Ishii. Taichi gets past recent IWGP World Heavyweight Champion Minoru Suzuki, and in the main event, Tetsuya Naito just barely manages to get a win over The Ace, Hiroshi Tanahashi.
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Night Four
Tanahashi gets on the board with a victory over Shooter Shota, while ZSJ beats OC in an absolute banger. Ospreay also picks up a win, over Ishii, and Yota Tsuji pulls up a huge upset, beating Minoru Suzuki! In the main event, Naito can’t get past Taichi, and the man with the golden voice is tied for first, with ZSJ and Ospreay.
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Night Six
Shota Umino knocks Taichi back down to Earth, while Will Ospreay defeats Minoru Suzuki, keeping him at zero points. Orange Cassidy beats Tomohiro Ishii, and Hiroshi Tanahashi is able to get past Yota Tsuji. In the main event, ZSJ and Naito have a close match, but in the end, The Front Man forces Naito to pass out. ZSJ and Ospreay are alone at the top now.
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Night Eight
Umino manages to beat Orange Cassidy, and Taichi hits six points with a win over Yota. Ishii beats Suzuki to get on the board, and Suzuki STILL has no points, the only one that doesn’t have any! Tanahashi beats Sabre with a High Fly Flow, and Naito hands Ospreay his first loss, so we have a four way tie for first!
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Night Ten
Ishii beats Tanahashi, and that could be a costly loss for The Ace. Shota Umino hands Minoru Suzuki YET ANOTHER LOSS, and ZSJ makes quick work of Yota Tsuji. Tetsuya Naito gains ground in this tightly-contested block by getting past Cassidy in one of the most fun matches of the tournament, and Will Ospreay beats Taichi to keep his lead. Ospreay and ZSJ sit alone at eight points, while Shota Umino, Tetsuya Naito, Hiroshi Tanahashi, and Taichi are all in second place with six. Tomohiro Ishii has four, Yota Tsuji has two, and Minoru Suzuki is STILL at zero, somehow. Perhaps the World Title reign took a lot out of him.
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Night Twelve
Naito gets a big win over Shota to stay in the thick of things, while Tanahashi keeps Suzuki scoreless and improves to eight points. Yota gets past Ishii, doubling his total, while Orange Cassidy makes Taichi’s chances at winning this block very slim, beating him in a fun match. In the main event, Will Ospreay knocks Zack Sabre Jr. out with a Hidden Blade to take sole ownership of the top spot!
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Night Fourteen
Zack Sabre Jr. bounces back with a big win over Shooter, and Tetsuya Naito stays alive, defeating the already very worn-down Minoru Suzuki, still winless. Will Ospreay gets past Yota Tsuji, maintaining the top spot, and Taichi has an absolute banger with Ishii, with Taichi coming out on top. Finally, Orange Cassidy upsets The Ace, beating Tanahashi with three consecutive Orange Punches!
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Night Sixteen
In a battle of the young guns with rhyming first names, Yota beats Shota. Both have six points. Orange Cassidy gets past Minoru Suzuki, getting his win back after their match during Suzuki’s title reign, which seems so far back now. ZSJ beats his old tag partner, Taichi, but Tetsuya Naito falls to Tomohiro Ishii! In the main event, between Tanahashi and Ospreay, Ospreay nearly gets the job done, but Tana pulls it out of the fire and beats him with a High Fly Flow! The standings going into the final night of B Block action are as follows: Will Ospreay and Zack Sabre Jr. are both at twelve. Tetsuya Naito, Hiroshi Tanahashi and Orange Cassidy are all at ten. Taichi sits at eight, and Shota Umino, Tomohiro Ishii and Yota Tsuji have six each. Way behind is Minoru Suzuki, still sitting a big ol’ goose egg. Zero.
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Night Eighteen
We head into a final night with endless possibilities, and with so many potential winners, almost every match matters. Up first, a match that doesn’t matter! Shota Umino defeats Tomohiro Ishii, ending his G1 Climax run with a solid eight points. Taichi gets by Hiroshi Tanahashi, eliminating Tana. Both end with ten. Tetsuya Naito faces Yota Tsuji, and after defeating him, improves to twelve points. He’s currently locked in a three-way tie with Zack Sabre Jr. and Will Ospreay, each man having a win and a loss against the other two. Zack Sabre Jr. faces his old stablemate, Minoru Suzuki…AND SUZUKI BEATS HIM! AFTER A WINLESS EIGHT MATCHES, MINORU SUZUKI PREVAILS ON HIS FINAL NIGHT, AND NOW, IT’S ALL UP TO WILL OSPREAY! If Ospreay wins, he wins the block, but if he loses, he enters a very complicated tie with Orange, Naito and Sabre. In a rematch from the first Forbidden Door, Ospreay and OC outperform their first match…BUT THE RESULT IS THE SAME! THE COMMONWEALTH KINGPIN HAS WON THE B BLOCK! It’s going to be Will Ospreay vs. Shingo Takagi in the G1 Climax Finals!
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NJPW G1 Climax 33: Finals - August 13th, 2023
Shingo Takagi vs. Will Ospreay - G1 Climax Finals
This is it. The winner of this match goes on to the main event of Wrestle Kingdom 18. This isn’t the first time that the three men involved with the Wrestle Kingdom main event have been Kazuchika Okada, Will Ospreay and Shingo Takagi, but this time, there’s no two night event. Only one man can get that main event slot. Will it be The Commonwealth Kingpin? Will it be The Last Dragon? Two former champions, two insane G1 runs, two very worthy competitors. Let’s get this started.
This match is absolutely insane, because like, look at the two guys that are in it. Shingo uses his size advantage to batter Will from pillar to post, and Will has to tap into the agility that we see a little bit less of these days. He knocks Shingo out of the ring with a Hidden Blade, but when he goes for a Suicide Dive, he just bounces right off of Takagi! He picks Ospreay up and hits him with a brutal Uranage. This is a very, very good match, but unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and this one does when Takagi has Ospreay badly hurt. He waits for the former Aerial Assassin to get to his feet, before charging forward with a Pumping Bomber! But Ospreay reverses with a standing Spanish Fly! Rolls through! Hooks the arms! LIFTS SHINGO UP! STORMBREAKER! HE MAKES THE COVER! ONE…TWO…THREE! WILL OSPREAY IS GOING TO WRESTLE KINGDOM!
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NJPW Burning Spirit: Night Four - September 6th, 2023
Jeff Cobb vs. Kazuchika Okada (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
Jeff Cobb managed to defeat Kazuchika Okada in the G1, so he has earned this shot at the greatest prize in the sport. Cobb recreates his game plan from the match, using his size to bully the champion, but Okada targets the leg a lot more than he did in the G1 Climax, slowing the Hawaiian right down. There’s a close call for The Rainmaker at one point, with him having to elbow his way out of an attempt at the Tour of the Islands, but the leg work pays off, especially when Cobb almost goes out when locked in the Red Ink. Cobb can barely stand when Kazu knocks him out with The Rainmaker…before clocking him with a Hidden Blade, a message to Cobb’s stablemate, Will Ospreay.
Kazuchika Okada def. Jeff Cobb in 19:13 to retain the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
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NJPW Royal Quest: Night One - October 7th, 2023
Shingo Takagi vs. Kazuchika Okada (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
It’s the main event of Night One of Royal Quest, and G1 finalist Shingo Takagi did manage to beat Okada in the G1, so he’s got a chance to rectify his loss in the Finals. Shingo puts Okada through hell during this match, fighting like a man possessed, but Okada is just too good right now. He manages to roll through a Made In Japan, and counters an attempt at a Pumping Bomber with perhaps his most perfectly-timed Dropkick ever. Despite The Last Dragon’s best efforts, the result was a foregone conclusion from the moment the bell rang. Tonight, Kazuchika Okada was unbeatable, and he put Shingo down with a Rainmaker. Tonight was Kazuchika Okada’s no-hitter, his flu game, his Ernie Nevers forty-bomb. Can he recreate this perfect form on January 4th?
Kazuchika Okada def. Shingo Takagi in 24:51 to retain the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
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NJPW Royal Quest: Night Two - October 8th, 2023
Tetsuya Naito vs. Will Ospreay (c) - G1 Climax Briefcase
The Ungovernable One had himself a very, very good G1 Climax run, coming just two points short of winning his block. However, he did get a win over the eventual block winner, and tournament winner for that matter, so tonight, the leader of United Empire has to put his January 4th contract on the line against the most popular man in the company. However, Ospreay is the most popular man in the building tonight, as he’s in his home country of England (gross)! The Commonwealth Kingpin is able to feed off of the energy in the building tonight, and the crowd reaches a fever pitch when Ospreay throws his elbow pad into the crowd, hits Naito with a front-facing Hidden Blade, and picks him up for the Stormbreaker! Ospreay plants the leader of LIJ and pins him! He can celebrate with his rotten-toothed, ugly, little-brained countrymen tonight! (PJ, Misery and OWD are three of the good ones don’t worry about it)
Will Ospreay def. Tetsuya Naito in 29:00 to retain the G1 Climax Briefcase
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NJPW Battle Autumn: Night Ten - October 29th, 2023
Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Will Ospreay (c) - G1 Climax Briefcase
There was one man other than Tetsuya Naito that managed to get a win over Will Ospreay during the G1 Climax, and that man was The Ace himself, none other than Hiroshi Tanahashi. Perhaps the most loved man in the company, Tanahashi also had a solid tournament, and he looks to turn back the clock tonight and secure himself a spot in the main event of Wrestle Kingdom. Unfortunately for The Ace, Will Ospreay is already in Wrestle Kingdom form, and he doesn’t fall to the High Fly Flow like he did on Night Sixteen. Instead, he gets his knees up and quickly hits a brutal Hidden Blade to pick up the win! It’s official! The main event of Wrestle Kingdom 18 is set in stone, and the competitors have two months to prepare themselves.
Will Ospreay def. Hiroshi Tanahashi in 20:19 to retain the G1 Climax Briefcase
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NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 18 - Press Conference Run
Leading up to the biggest show of the year, The Ojiisan of Them All, NJPW of course does a run of promotional press conferences. Throughout those press conferences, Kazuchika Okada does admit that Will Ospreay will be a formidable opponent, but sort of brushes him off as well. He talks about how this Wrestle Kingdom isn’t a forum for Will Ospreay to complete his arc, it’s just happening to serve as a reminder that Kazuchika Okada is the best to ever do it. It’s going to be yet another coronation for him. Will Ospreay had his Wrestle Kingdom main event against him, and he failed to defeat The Rainmaker. He failed to defeat Kenny Omega. He failed to defeat Bryan Danielson. Some things never change, and this is one of them. The result is set in stone. It’s as sure as the wind, the tides…and the rain.
Will Ospreay, of course, has a very different point of view. He says that all of his losses hurt, but they always shape him into a better wrestler, and now he’s the best he has ever been. Kazuchika Okada is not the main character here, he’s not the story. All eyes are on Will Ospreay, and what he’s going to do. The eyes of the world are watching Wrestle Kingdom not to see Kazuchika Okada, but to see the climax of the tale of Will Ospreay. “Every good story has an antagonist. I’m David, and you’re Goliath. On January 4th, it’s my job to size you up, take aim, and put my best shot clean through your fuckin’ head. I may be The Commonwealth Kingpin, but I’ve still got a little bit of Assassin in me. I don’t miss, baby.”
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NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 18 - January 4th, 2024
Will Ospreay vs. Kazuchika Okada (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
After a tremendous show, we have finally reached the main event of the evening. Will Ospreay, The Commonwealth Kingpin, walking in as the challenger against his former stablemate, his white whale, the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion, Kazuchika Okada. The bell rings, and there’s a moment of calm. The two competitors stare at each other before locking up. Okada grabs a Headlock immediately, but Ospreay backs him into the ropes. He backs away immediately, a clean break. They lock up again, and this time, Okada backs Will into the ropes, and does his patented mocking pats on the chest. Ospreay isn’t having it, though, and he slaps the champion! Okada laughs, nodding his head, and he returns to the middle of the ring.
They each put one hand out, and Okada immediately ducks under the challenger’s arm, grabbing a Wristlock. He wrenches on the arm a little bit, and Will plays it safe, doing a forward roll to alleviate the pressure. Ospreay goes behind and grabs a Hammerlock, forcing Kazuchika to cartwheel out of it. The champion throws Ospreay with an Arm Drag, and Will rushes at him! Okada tries to trip him, but Ospreay jumps over and runs the ropes. Okada GOES FOR A DROPKICK! Ospreay stops dead in his tracks, the champ crashes into the mat! Ospreay tries to capitalize WITH A RUNNING SHOOTING STAR PRESS! OKADA ROLLS AWAY! Both men grab their mid-sections after failed attacks and restart once again.
It looks like they’re going to lock up one more time, but the challenger fakes the collar-and-elbow and instead goes behind Okada, hitting a textbook Neckbreaker! He rolls through, clutching The Rainmaker’s neck in a sort of Guillotine position, only to throw him through the middle ropes to the outside! Ospreay runs the ropes! DIVES OUT! TOPE CON HILO! OKADA GOES DOWN, AND OSPREAY IMMEDIATELY PICKS HIM UP, LOOKING TO LAUNCH HIM INTO THE BARRICADE! Okada, still loopy, reverses, and heaves Will over the barricade! Backs up! RUSHES FORWARD! DIVING DROPKICK OVER THE BARRICADE! Okada soaks in the cheers as a result of that tremendous sequence, and returns to the ring. Ospreay staggers back to the ring as well, BUT GETS BLINDSIDED BY A TOPE CON HILO FROM OKADA! IT’S RARE THAT HE BUSTS THAT OUT!
It’s been all Okada for the past couple of minutes, and he follows Will out, just to throw him back inside. Kazu smells blood in the water, and he decides to lock in RED INK! IT’S TIGHT, AND THE PAIN WAKES OSPREAY UP! HE’S GRABBING HANDFULS OF THE CANVAS, AND MANAGES TO DRAG HIMSELF ALMOST ALL THE WAY TO THE ROPES, BUT OKADA RELEASES THE HOLD AND DRAGS HIM BACK TO THE CENTRE! THIS TIME, HE APPLIES THE MONEY CLIP! EVERYBODY HATES THIS MOVE, AND WILL OSPREAY MUST BE HATING IT MORE THAN ANYBODY RIGHT NOW! However, The Commonwealth Kingpin begins fighting to his feet! Kicks to the shins! Breaks free! To the body! To the head! KAWADA KICKS, OKADA IS ROCKED! A ROLLING THUNDER KICK KNOCKS HIM DOWN! COVER! ONE…TWO…AND A KICKOUT!
Ospreay picks his opponent up, before going for a Spin Kick! Okada ducks it and rolls away to create distance, before going for a Lariat! Ospreay ducks that and does a roll of his own! He charges at Okada, running up his shoulders like a ramp and flipping off, before going for an Enzuigiri! It’s ducked, and Okada goes for an Ankle Lock! Ospreay rolls, sending Okada rolling too, and Ospreay goes for a takedown, but he eats a knee! Okada looks for a Discus Elbow! Ducked, and Ospreay hits a BIG Superkick! SPRINGBOARD! OSCUTTER! OKADA CATCHES HIM, AND HE’S LOOKING FOR A RAINMAKER! RIPCORD! ANOTHER SUPERKICK TO ESCAPE! GOES FOR THE OSCUTTER AGAIN! THIS TIME IT WORKS! COVER! ONE…TWO…TH-KICKOUT!
Ospreay doesn’t really know what to do at this point, so he falls back on his roots. The former Aerial Assassin climbs to the top rope! JUMPS OFF! 630 SPLASH! NO, OKADA MOVES AT THE LAST SECOND, SO OSPREAY ROLLS THROUGH, NARROWLY AVOIDING CATASTROPHE! Okada lunges at him AND SENDS HIM FLYING WITH A SHOTGUN DROPKICK! Picks him up! GERMAN SUPLEX! OSPREAY FLIPS THROUGH! DUCKS A LARIAT! SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT! BUT THE RAINMAKER CATCHES HIM AND PLANTS HIM WITH A SPINNING TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! COVER! ONE…TWO…NO! OKADA ISN’T FINISHED, HE PICKS OSPREAY UP AGAIN! RAINMAKER! RIPCORD! CONNECTS! THAT’S IT! COVER! ONE…TWO…THRE-NOOOOOOOOO!!! WILL OSPREAY JUST KICKED OUT OF THE RAINMAKER!
Kazuchika Okada is shocked, not to mention angry, and he starts to stomp on his adversary! Kicks right at the downed Ospreay’s skull! Okada lifts him to his feet, and Will can barely stand. The champion just begins slapping him! But that does nothing but wake Ospreay up! He starts slapping back! This is a battle of slaps, and Ospreay THROWS A SPINNING BACKFIST! It lands flush! Okada is wobbling! OSPREAY RUNS TO THE TOP ROPE! TOP ROPE OSCUTTER! HE EATS A DROPKICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! OKADA PICKS HIM UP, AND HE GOES FOR A DISCUS RAINMAKER! BUT OSPREAY, ON PURE INSTINCT, REVERSES WITH A SPANISH FLY! LIFTS HIM TO HIS KNEES AND RUNS THE ROPES! HIDDEN BLADE, THAT SOUNDED LIKE A GUNSHOT! PICKS HIM UP! HOOKS THE ARMS! LIFTS HIM ABOVE HIS SHOULDERS! STORMBREAKER! HE MANAGED TO HIT IT! COVER! ONE…TWO…THREE!!! WILL OSPREAY HAS DONE IT! IN THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLE KINGDOM 18, HE HAS ONCE AGAIN BECOME THE IWGP WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! HE TRULY IS THE KINGPIN!
Will Ospreay def. Kazuchika Okada in 31:27 to win the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship

the queens return to the workroom after Yuka's elimination
Wren: Awww, Yuka!
🏁Wren CF: Seeing Yuka leave is bittersweet. I had gotten really close with her. But when you're in the bottom two, you can only focus on it not being your name on that lipstick. One of us had to go, better her than me!
Fleur: I'd say I can't believe she's gone this early, but I'm afraid I saw it coming.
Sue: Really?
Fleur: If there's one thing about me and Yuka being in a competition together, it's that I'll make it farther. Bring out the tiny violins, bye bitch!
🏁Fleur CF: Did Yuka do anything to me? Hmm, that's a dumb question. But I do know that she was in the competition, and now she's not!
Morgs: Blondie and Zodya, congratulations. I'll admit, I was hoping this would be our week. But you did a nice job.
Blondie: Thank you.
Sharris: Let's hope that there aren't any more pity wins this season. That would be great.
Zodya: There's a difference between a pity win and being the best team to follow the rules.
Sharris: And I don't think you were either!
Zodya: Sharris, I don't need you making this a miserable experience.
🏁Zodya CF: I feel like Sharris brings a dark cloud over the competition. I trust Morgs and Steph, and I know that they trust Sharris. For now, I can play nice. But when it comes down to the inner group of the alliance, she'll have to go.
Kami: Blondie, how are you feeling after being in the top?
Blondie: It felt right, it felt correct!
Fleur: Oh shut up.
Blondie: Alright, that came out of nowhere, but work.
Wren: I'm sure my lipstick is in your bra right now, but it really was nice to see you get celebrated like that.
Blondie: I actually chose Yuka.
Wren: Girl, you don't need to lie. It's fine, really.
Blondie pulls her lipstick out to reveal she truly did choose Yuka
Blondie: Not lying.
Wren: What the hell, I'm at a loss right now.
🏁Blondie CF: Saving Wren was not an easy decision. I know people want her gone. And after what went down between the two of us, I had a million reasons to get her out of here. But this is the new version of Blondie, and I've made the decision to fight for this friendship. And that can only happen once one of us decides to be the bigger person. And that's usually not me, but there's a first for everything!
Blondie: What you did, it hurt me. But things I did on Season Six, that hurt you. If we keep going after each other, we can't move forward.
the camera slowly pans over to Sue who is hysterically crying
Steph: Sue?
Sue: I just...I just love seeing the birth of a friendship!
🏁Steph CF: If any of you question why I love this bitch, now you know. The sweetest soul I know.
Wren: Blondie, that means a lot to me. Thank you. Now, I still don't know if it should've been me in the bottom, but thank you.
Fleur: Here we go again.
Anthyy: Who do you think should've been in the bottom?
Wren: Our challenge was to show up at a certain time and perform. Most of us did that. But two of us didn't.
Sharris squints her eyes and takes off her earrings, handing them over to Morgs
Sharris: Wren, you're a joke. Not just a joke, an embarrassment. Why the fuck are you even here?
Wren: Excuse me?
Sharris: You take this so seriously, and it makes me physically uncomfortable. It's a game, calm down.
Wren: I'm not apologizing for showing up to a competition and wanting to compete.
Sharris: You need to apologize for a lot more than that. Starting with that face.
Fleur: And then work your way down.
Zodya: Are we really doing this right now? You're all taking this too far, and it needs to stop. I'm serious.
Sharris: Oh bug off, you don't need to play mediator.
Zodya: Sharris, stop. I'm not letting you attack my friend.
Sharris: If that's the kind of freak you're friends with, that says everything about you.
🏁Sharris CF: I won't rest until Wren is out of the competition. I don't like her, I haven't liked her, and I will never like her. It's not even about winning anymore. It's about breaking this bitch from the inside.
The Next Day
the queens enter the workroom, laughing and ignoring the drama from the previous night
🏁Anthyy CF: It's a new day in the workroom, and the stress of the competition is clearly getting to these girls! I feel good, staying out of the drama, and ready to slay. You won't see me safe again, that's not a cute look!
Sue: Seeing how many people are still here just shows how big this season is going to be. Three girls down, and we can still barely fit around the table.
Sharris: Some of you can skip some meals, and that'll change!
🏁Sue CF: I'm afraid that I'm fading into the background, and it's about time that I step forward. On Season Four, I never got to a win, even though I was close. I know that these girls think my attitude is more fun and relaxed, but I won't let them underestimate me.
the workroom door swings open as Micro steps in, wearing a sliver puffer track suit with futuristic silver sunglasses
Micro: Greetings Earth queens! When I invited each of you back, I did so because you are the best and brightest in the galaxy. And to prove that, it's time to take things out of this world. Behind me, there's a table full of celestial inspired materials. Each of you will design a high fashion look that takes us to infinity and beyond. Now, some of you may not love the idea of producing your own look. Which is why you have options! If you'd like, you are able to use a pre-existing look. The only catch is that you need to modify it enough so that it reads as your own unique creation. Good luck, and I can't wait to see what you come up with!
Micro leaves the workroom, and the queens rush over to the table of materials, grabbing everything they can find
🏁Whorechata CF: This is what I've been waiting for! From the start of this competition, these queens have questioned whether or not I belong here. And I knew they were wrong. Because...duh, look at the material. But this is the challenge where I know I can outdo everyone else. Yeah, I feel pretty good about my chances.
the queens spread throughout the workroom in different groupings
Fleur, Morgs, and Sharris discuss the challenge and what their ideas are
Sharris: I've decided to not make my own look. I know my limits, and there's more I can do with little embellishments than with a sewing machine.
🏁Morgs CF: Sharris is the person I'm the closest to here. I do trust that she can make this challenge work. But when she says she's not even taking out a sewing machine, I'm starting to worry.
Fleur: I've taken my sewing classes after Season Four, and I didn't really have that much to improve on.
Morgs: You had a design challenge on your season, right?
Fleur: We did. We got these horrible boxes of trash and had to make it into something.
🏁Fleur CF: I felt great about my look on Season Four. Truly, how can you describe it without using the word beautiful? Some people said I should've been in the bottom, but "some people" got sent home two episodes ago. Hi Lectro, thanks for watching!
Morgs: From what I can see of other people, I don't think we have anything to worry about this week.
Sharris: Just say Wren...
the camera cuts over to Wren on the floor, sculpting multiple arms and cutting out fabric
🏁Wren CF: I've always had a strong sense of what I want when it comes to the designs I wear. But it's taken some time to polish up the level of execution. This is my chance to show how much I've grown, even in the short time since Season Six.
Zodya: Wren, you doing good?
Wren: Can't talk, too busy serving cunt.
🏁Zodya CF: If you can't love yourself, then you must not be Wren! But hey, I can't knock the confidence.
Zodya: Chata, what are you bringing with your look?
Whorechata: I'm trying to embrace the materials as much as possible. I don't want to use any patterns I brought, any base garments, nothing. If it's not from that table, I'm not using it.
Zodya: It's definitely a bold color choice.
Whorechata: I need to stand out. Whatever it takes.
🏁Whorechata CF: Being able to create looks like this, that's why I applied for Season Five. And finally, I got a challenge where I can shine.
Anthyy, Steph, and Sue chat by the mirrors as they sketch out look ideas
🏁Anthyy CF: I've come back to judge fashion challenges on MDR a million times. If I don't slay this, I need to apologize to everyone I ever critiqued! I need to bring a new silhouette, new materials, everything. You won't be able to clock a single detail.
Steph: Last time I had a challenge like this, it caused me to spiral.
Sue: You know you've gotten better since then.
Steph: I think I have. Being back in these four walls, and feeling like I'm just starting to get the momentum going, it's hauntingly familiar to how I felt on Season Three.
Anthyy: You have to believe in yourself! Let the infection take over. Well, not like that. But the fashion infection.
Steph: Please, I need to catch the fashion infection first!
🏁Steph CF: Ever since my elimination on Season Three, I've felt like had I just made it through the design challenge, I could've won the whole thing. This is my chance to show that I can not just make it through this challenge, but I can come out unharmed, and ready to give this competition what I have. Call me dramatic, but you all saw the look, it was traumatizing!
Sue plugs in her headphones and turns on Kylie Minogue, unlocking her full powers. She turns on the sewing machine and gets to work
🏁Sue CF: When it comes to sewing, I may not be Sue Essence Hall. But I have the drive and heart to win this thing. Nobody wants this more than me, and that's gotta count for something.
Runway
the lights flicker and an electric magenta light floods the runway as Micro struts down the center
Micro Episode 4 Look
Micro: Welcome back to the runway of Micro's Drag Race: All Stars! This week, the queens were asked to design a high fashion look utilizing or inspired by celestial materials. And joining me on the judging panel is a very special guest. Usually, we keep it in the family and have past queens return to judge. But this season, I've invited some legendary queens that I admire to help me out. And tonight, we have the amazing Hex!
Hex Guest Judging Look
Micro: Hex, thank you for being here!
Hex: Honored to be here.
Micro: You've been a legendary designer in the drag world for years. What do you think makes a good design?
Hex: Finding a concept, and immersing yourself in that world. If you want to be an alien, become that alien and think about how they'd wear the look. You have to commit!
Micro: That is fabulous advice. You ready to get started?
Hex: I'm ready to feel inspired!
Micro: Without further ado, let's see if these looks are truly out of this world!
"Bad Juju" by Jujubee plays
Anthyy: Coming down this runway I feel amazing! It’s a design challenge and you just know that miss Anthyy will deliver in those! Tonight the category was space at first I got a bit scared cause the home eis super broad if you look at it but then my. Mind went straight to my sister she is OBSSESED with space, so I called her and asked her what is her favorite planet! She said Uranus… and the rest is history! So tonight for my look I am channeling you the Uranus fantasy, my dress is a net made out of 27 of the Uranus’s moons and being me you can see a stunning set of it’s rings, not many people know that Uranus is one of the 3 planets with rings! Yup not only Saturn so tonight I wanted to make sure we don’t forget about those rings! Uranus is also one of the coldest planets that exsist so i made sure my alien puss is frozen the haus down boots! The parts holding together the moons on her dress are all coveed in galaxy dust and you can see my stunning 3 pairs of hands all going in diffrent directions! As for the look itself, it is a pretty gown (which you know i only do for special occasions!) with an amazing backpiece and stunning hair artistry! I would say this is soemthing that isnt often seen and its one of it's kind so im suoer happy to bring it to you on the design challenge! Lets hope this alien lands me my 3rd win! Finding out that this week's guest judge is my amazing friend Hex, she also is included in this look honey did you notice how my alien has 3 nostrills??? YUPPPPP thats what i call referencing
Anthyy Look
Blondie: You better beware, you're in for a scare! Run in fear when Captain Blondatrix arrives on your planet and goes for a pure femme pink fem-pire! For this look, I did use a pre-existing outfit but dyed the colours to a nice ballet slipper pink & a rose gold pink to add to colour theory. I did paint the mask and got a dazzling matching wig... I mean, styled my hair into a gorgeous blonde to meet my branding. Next, I got rid of some pesky details that weren't needed and created more of a space priestess vibe, and kept the alien incubator, as I'm here to spread my seed any way I can. Finally, I created a new banner and an amazing bi-sexual planet to create awareness. So beam me up, cuz I'm here to take y'all down~
Blondie Look
Fleur: I love the Earth. The Earth just gives cunt 24/7 for the past billion years. She always finds some way to absolute slayyyyyy. For example when she decided that she wanted a desert, we were all like "yas girl sand is so sexy". Her brain is just so innovative and she is truly a lovely person. I love the Earth. It is just so calm, and peaceful and sweet. Everyday is amazing on Earth because the Earth is just amazing. It has not one bad quality. That is why I love it. This look resemblances the cuntiness Mother Earth is but also how serene it can be. She's so quirky. But sometimes... just sometimes... the Galaxy is jealous of Earth's cuntiness. Like for example, when the Galaxy decided to shoot a meteor onto it and kill all those leather wearing, katy perry roaring carnivores. Like that was bullying! But sometimes... just sometimes... the Galaxy is in a bad mood and it wants to recreate the devastation of the first meteor. Fuck the galaxy honestly. FUCK YOU. And when the Earth goes BOOM, so does the runway Fleur is modelling and strutting on. This gives her enough times to take of her jumpsuit and reveal her bare naked skin which is just coincidentally painted in a molten galaxy pattern. Science lesson: This is because the Earth has plates. The crust, the mantle and the core. The core is filled with molten lava and I think lava is so that bitch. Like it can burn a hoe like that! So obviously when the earth explodes, lava will ooze into the milkyway making the milkyway turn orange. Kind of like food colouring. And obviously, when the world does explode into the galaxy, you would probably be blinded by the light so you will always need some funky Lady Gaga looking sun glasses. And that's on period.
Fleur Look
Fleur Reveal
Fleur Reveal
Kami: Kami steps out onto the stage, and she is ready for space! She is serving you astronaut realness with her helmet in hand, and her bedazzled star space bodysuit when suddenly she trips -
her belt unravels and suddenly you can see a fake face laying on the ground
Oh my god! She's really an alien?? She's kind of serving though... Her alien wings held back by the belt that was previously cinching her waist (?) in, has revealed who she truly is. The wig seems to have melted down, and a bunch of the accessories are now falling off as well. The stars on the alien skin slowly falling off as the bodysuit from before is now revealed to have been her skin all along. how is she hiding humongous wings underneath a tiny belt ? these are questions that are unnecessary!
Kami Look
Kami Reveal
Morgs: BLAM! for my intergalactic runway it’s getting hot in here, why? because i’m a star, litterally. i wanted to be the sun, the most important thing for life. i've got a warm dress on, glasses to protect me from the UV rays, and a backpiece that are supposed to be sunbeams. i’m slaying this runway and even though i hate designing my own stuff, i managed to make myself a whole outfit and sunbeams that shoot out!
Morgs Look
Sharris: For my Space Age Couture runway, my inspiration comes directly from the galaxy and the beautiful sky we see at nighttime. I didn’t want to go with an astronaut, or an alien, I wanted to go with the sheer beauty that the natural world holds. It’s couture, and just so so extravagant. This runway represents an entire celestial body. If a lady from the Capitol moved to space- this is what she’d be wearing. Upon walking onto the runway, the lights dim, and i’m SHINING. Practically radiating with beauty. I have never been in more awe than I have with what I’ve produced tonight
Sharris Look
Steph: for my runway look tonight i wanted to be a FIERCE celestial goddess. my entire body is painted in that same sparkling purple color as the mug which reminds me of Nebula one of my fav guardians of the galaxy. and honestly my look tonight IS THE SPACE AGE AND THE UNIVERSE MAMA. she is a space goddess and she has kidnapped the stars and the color purple to make this look. thx a bunch:) My vision is filled with this collage and i hope u enjoy her:)
Steph Look
Sue: So for my look tonight I am serving you intergalactic space pop star. She has her Ariana ponytail on and her microphone that she totally didn’t get inspired by from Fever by Kylie Minogue.
Sue Look
Whorechata: Tonight is my day to shine. Chata is living in the year 3000 and failed her astronaut astronomy space class exam thing and can’t use her spacesuit to go to the plant Whore anymore. So what does she do… she takes it apart MAWMA. This outfit is using a deconstructed padded astronaut suit. Some green tubing and inflatable thingys to create this futuristic Lewk. Tonight I hope to show these girls why micro let me in the doors.
Whorechata Look
Wren: Kneel.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/3UhSk0Tk48k
Zodya: Tonight on the runway, I am giving you space duchess to the extreme! I am the most fabulous diva at the annual Galatica Ball, and honey, you can’t outshine me! Get out of my way, girls, because none of y’all can be as glamorous as me!
Zodya Look
Critiques
Micro: Thank you ladies! Based on your performances tonight, I've made some decisions. When I call your name, please step forward.
Micro: Kami, Steph, Whorechata. The three of you...are safe.
Steph: Oh thank lord. Whew!
Kami and Steph thank the judges as Whorechata's face is drained of all life. Her legs begin to quiver, and her eyes lose emotion as they twitch
🏁Whorechata CF: Safe. Safe. Oh wow.
Whorechata steps forward and walks towards the judging panel. She hunches over and grabs the base of the panel, as Micro and Hex look at her in confusion. Whorechata lifts with all of her might, and flips the panel. Her eyes turn bright red and she storms around the studio, throwing punches and kicks at everyone in sight
🏁Whorechata CF: Well, that's what I wanted to do at least...
the scene snaps back into reality where Whorechata is standing on stage and faking a smile
Micro: The three of you may leave the stage.
Whorechata: Safe girls, woohoo!
Micro: The rest of you represent the tops and bottoms of the week. It's time for your critiques.
Micro: First up, Anthyy!
Hex: Hello Anthyy! This look is fun, i know that this isn't really your style but i think that you did the theme's justice tonight. You decided to be inspired by one of the planets which is a really safe choice to do on a theme like that, but you went with one of the most interesting ones so its ok, We can see that the inspo was there from the color palette and the rings. The look is just a basic gown let's be real but you still make it interesting with the transparent parts and overall its giving me very Brooke Candy/slutish vibe which i am personally a fan of. What i am not a fan of is the makeup here, i like that you decided to pay homage to your drag sister - me, but idk i am not really feeling the eyes, they kinda look weird but i guess it fits the whole alien aesthetic so maybe i'm just quirky and nitpicking. The headpiece is really fun and playful. Overall it's a really strong look from you tonight, good job!
Micro: Anthyy! I think this week was a great chance for you to show off a new style with your looks. Getting more into the alienesque and untraditional glamour. And you really nailed that in my opinion! I love when a look is simple, but has dynamic silhouettes and added bits. This strappy dress on its own would maybe be too simple, but the back piece and extra arms, it elevates it to an incredible level. I think the color palette of blue and gray was unexpected but worked well. And usually I’m begging for rhinestones, but I wouldn’t add any rhinestones to this look, I don’t know how you managed that! Great work.
Micro: Next, Blondie!
Hex: Blondie! Hi, i love how both you and Anthyy decided to go with 3 eyed aliens! I see what you tried to do with the theme, but i lowkey don't see space in it, your color palette is giving me just a normal person, maybe if you changed the hair and face to be pinkish too maybe it would help to sell the theme more? I also don't think that you edited your look enough to be that different from the original one which is a shame because i see some potential. Overall you were in the middle tonight, not the worst but not the best one either.
Micro: Hi Blondie!! I think this base look was a great choice for this challenge, since it does lend itself to that outer space vibe. And you definitely put the work in to make this your own. I do think though that the new color palette makes the level of detail come down a bit. There’s a lot about this that I like, but I have to nitpick!
Micro: Next up, Fleur Tation!
Hex: Fleur! Hello girl, let me start with the positives first, well, so i liked that you decided to be inspired by earth which is an original choice for a theme like that not gonna lie, everyone would do something quirky but you decided to not look too far for your inspiration. You have a + for that from me. Now for your look, hmm i think that you could do way more with it, its just a simple bodysuit with a print on it, the reveal version is better, but still could've been more elevated. I just wish that you did something more with the hair and makeup in both of these, because even though your inspiration was really good for me, it just looks like you did not know what to do with it. Overall its not a good look from you tonight, I appreciate that you drew it and your description was fun to read.
Micro: Let me start off by saying your runway commentary and how you sold this look was my absolute favorite. I love the effort you put into that. Now onto the looks. I think they told a great story. But the actual design elements, I’m not getting much from it if I’m being totally honest. If there was some sleeve action, some interesting cut to the pants, something to bring more to it.
Micro: The always fabulous, Morgs!
Hex: Hello Morgs! This is very safe for me, i like the inspiration because without the sun there wouldn't be us so good for you to appreciate that. There's nothing much to say here really, maybe other than i don't really see cosmos here but it's just not the worst look tonight so, at least you tried and drew it.
Micro: Hi Morgs! I love the energy and vibe that this look conveys. It’s modern and has a cool look to it. I will say, I think the back piece really saves you here. It adds a unique element, and I think the look needed it. The rest of the look is a bit too simple to me. Maybe some stoning, a different neckline on the dress, some little adjustments could’ve amped this up. But as is, this doesn’t totally work for me, I’m sorry!
Micro: Next, Sharris!
Hex: Hello Sharris! Your look is good but i don't think you did enough for me to call it as 'your' look. Micro gave you all an option to edit one of many existing looks and while you picked a really good one, you barely did anything to edit it as yours, it just looks like you put a filter over it and called it a day, not even bothering to change the colors really. While Blondie did the same thing, she at least i don't know tried to make things a bit interesting by changing the whole color palette. That's all.
Micro: Hi Sharris! With the option to take a pre-existing look and edit it, I think the potential to make something your own and really special was there. And while I think you look amazing right now, it is so similar to the original look. Small things like changing the hair, adding new jewelry, maybe a metal corset piece, those could’ve really worked to make this more of an original piece. Not a bad look by any means, but I have to look at how different it is from the original, and I’m not seeing much.
Micro: Shining bright, it's Sue Pernova!
Hex: Sue! This look is very adorable, i really like the color palette, it looks like some video game character thats a singer and has some cosmic related superpowers. Your inspiration here clearly shows because i can see each thing you mentioned in your description. I love how we can't really see her face because it also adds to the mystic element that the cosmos has because we still don't really know much stuff about it. Overall a really good job tonight, congrats!
Micro: Sue, this look is adorable!! I love the outer space popstar vibe you went for, and the vibrancy of these colors work really well with that. The different textures and materials as well add some visual interest and keep it from being too simple. I maybe would’ve liked to see some lengthening to the legs and a tighter cinch on the corset, but this is a stand out look for me, you really impressed me here!
Micro: Next up, Wren Wyvern!
Hex: Wren, uhh hello? This was a letdown for me, you kinda did a similar look to Steph but i guess her's more elevated and just more interesting to look at. I don't think your look really sells the theme since it's barely cosmos related other than the cosmic print. I like what you tried to do with the arms but it reads more as angelic to me rather than some alien creature. I'm sorry but i don't like this.
Micro: Hi Wren! I’m gonna have to disagree with Hex on this one. I really enjoyed this look. It’s very cosmic deity, and you stand out from the group tonight. I think a really big collar piece that had some height and sharp edges to it would’ve taken this look to an even stronger level, but I see where you were going with it! Some minor little edits I’d make, but solid look from you!
Micro: Last but not least, Zodya Killer.
Hex: Hello Zodya! This is one of my favorite looks tonight, you had a clear vision and presented it really well. I really like the color palette and how vibrant it is, i love the accessories and the overall shape of it. The backpiece with your blonde hair in front of it kinda reminds me of the sun which is also a really fun detail. The way that you drew this also is a big plus for me + the props? I am a prop queen so i like the use of them in this look. Overall a really good moment for you tonight.
Micro: Zodya, you look like a goddess tonight. You found a way to take this sort of galaxy pattern and print and make it look regal and expensive. I love the way this look sparkles, and the golden accents against that deep blue and purple, it adds to that royalty look. If I had to nitpick, I wish there was a big necklace or set of earrings, but I can appreciate the simplicity in not going heavy with accessories. Great work!
Micro: Thank you ladies. I've made some decisions.
Micro: Blondie, Morgs, and Wren. The three of you are safe. You may step to the back of the stage.
🏁Wren CF: At this point, I'm not sure what else I could do. I gave you a full goddess, and then Micro has the nerve to put me in the same group as Blondie and Morgs? It's stupid, it really is.
Micro: Anthyy. Tonight, your E.T. was a T-O-P.
Micro: Sue Pernova. You took us all on a trip to Chromatica, and we didn't want to leave.
Micro: Zodya Killer. Category is...MET Gala on Mars.
Micro: Anthyy, Zodya. Congratulations, you are the top two queens of the week!
🏁Anthyy CF: Ah, screaming!! I put so much of my heart and soul into my designs, and the hard work paid off.
🏁Zodya CF: I didn't think I'd be the type of queen who looks forward to a design challenge. But I really believe in my skills, and having that validated by the judges, that means the world.
Micro: Sue, you are safe. Great work this week.
Sue: Thank you Miss Micro.
🏁Sue CF: This week was all about wanting to prove myself as a real competitor here. I have what it takes to win the crown, and this moved things in the right direction. I feel amazing!
Micro: Fleur, Sharris. I'm sorry my dears, but that means you are the bottom queens of the week.
🏁Fleur CF: I don't have words. To be in a room full of people who look...like that, and be told I'm in the bottom? When I'm wearing custom couture? They're out to get me.
🏁Sharris CF: I'm fine being in the bottom. It doesn't bother me. I'd never throw a tantrum over a placement, unlike some people in this competition who shall not be named...but it's Wren.
Micro: Anthyy, Zodya. In a moment, the two of you will lipsync for your legacy, and the power to chop one of the bottom queens. Head backstage to Untucked, and make your decision.
Untucked
the safe queens enter Untucked
Kami: Redemption!
Steph: And it feels oh so good! I'm so proud of us. Whorechata, are you happy to be safe?
🏁Whorechata CF: wHoReChAtA, aRe yOu hApPy tO Be sAfE? No bitch, I'm not!
Whorechata: I'm thrilled.
Steph: No you're not.
Whorechata: Oh really, what gave it away?
Kami: Let it out, let it out.
Whorechata: The girls up on stage right now, you can see the stringy little bits of hot glue. The seams are jankier than Wren's book in the first episode. Not to sound arrogant, but this belongs in a museum.
🏁Whorechata CF: Whorechata shows off her look and letting the camera zoom in on the hems
Kami: If it makes you feel better, I thought you should've been up on stage tonight.
Whorechata: If you change your name to Micro and tan a good twelve shades darker, it would mean more. But still, thanks Kami.
🏁Kami CF: You can't argue with crazy. You just can't.
the top and bottom queens enter Untucked
Wren: The attempt to break my spirit continues.
🏁Wren CF: Heading back to Untucked, it really does sting that I didn't win. I thought I had the best look, and I love the way I presented it. I wouldn't change a thing, but clearly the judges would.
Kami: I've heard the word "safe" enough times in the last hour to last me a lifetime, so can one of you fill us in on what happened on stage?
Anthyy: I'm in the top with Zodya!
Steph: Whyyyyyyy. Oop, not like that. Just you know, the Sue stan in me.
Sue: I'm torn with my emotions right now. Getting praised on this look felt amazing. But then it almost gave me a false sense of hope. I thought maybe I could win.
Zodya: And you could've. I'm so proud of your work here. It's amazing.
🏁Zodya CF: I know how much Sue wanted to win this challenge, but I'm also freaking out a little inside that I just won my third challenge! I mean really, what could go wrong now?
Wren: Regardless of what the judges said, I'm proud of this look.
Sharris: So why do you keep bringing it up?
Wren: With the runway last week, it was a more masculine approach than what I'm used to. And this week, I wanted to give full cunty goddess.
🏁Wren CF: Exploring gender identity and expression through fashion is important to me. Like, really important. I won't apologize for that.
Blondie: And just so I know, you use all the pronouns, right? I'm not trying to get cancelled again.
Wren: After saving me, you can call me whatever. But yes, anything works. He, she, they, it's all okay to me. But it doesn't take away from my trans-ness.
Sharris: Wren, what the fuck does that even mean?
Wren: What does what means?
Sharris: How are you a he, she, and they. Make up your mind.
Wren: I don't think I need to make up my mind. It's my personal journey, and I don't need to conform to what you want.
Sharris: You just represent everything that's wrong with the world to me.
Blondie: Okay, that's a bit much.
Fleur: Blondie, stay out of it.
Blondie: No! Why can't I say anything without you all jumping to make me look like the bad person?
Fleur: If people always think you're a bad person, maybe you just are.
Morgs: Woop, there it is.
🏁Fleur CF: Blondie swears she's an angel on Earth. But she's not. She's nasty, she's an input ho, and I don't fuck with her. Screw any alliances, I want her gone.
Sharris: The more I learn about you, Blondie, the more I understand why you and Wren are friends. The only upside to that is it means none of us have to be bothered by either of you. You can annoy each other instead.
Wren: Talk that talk in your bottom outfit. You could never give what I give!
Sharris: And thank god for that. Man, man, man. I see a MAN.
Anthyy: Girl...
🏁Anthyy CF: Sharris took a low blow with that one. Wren has been so open about her identity, and really advocated for trans representation! I considered Sharris a friend, but that changes everything.
Wren: Are you really going there? For real?
Sharris: I am, care to continue?
Wren: You know who I am and I've been nothing but transparent with how I feel in my identity. And for someone in this community to be the one coming after me, it's so gross.
Sharris: Let's get one thing straight, we're not in the same community.
Wren: Right, cause I'm some freak.
Sharris: Wren, shut up and go play in traffic.
Kami: Stop, don't go there. What's that even supposed to mean.
Sharris: As in, go die. Go die, for the sake of humanity, please.
the queens all clasp their hands over their mouths as they realize what Sharris said
Wren: You want me to go kill myself?
Sharris: Yes please, look at how easy that was!
Wren: Give me a few years, and I'm sure I'll get there.
Blondie: Wren, don't even say that. Don't give that bitch another moment of your time.
Sharris: Blondie, you too.
Blondie: You are a miserable and hateful little bitch. You're disgusting. You better be so ashamed of yourself.
Fleur: You're the moral compass now? Why do you keep putting yourself in things?!
Blondie: Sharris brought me into it, and I'm done sitting down and taking it. You both are vile.
🏁Fleur CF: Blondie spews the most venomous things out of that over-plumped mouth. Why are people surprised that it caused someone to snap? If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. Blondie and Wren, there's the door, dumb bitches.
the queens return to the runway
Micro: Welcome back ladies. It has been brought to my attention that there was an altercation in Untucked.
Sharris rolls her eyes, as Blondie comforts Wren at the back of the stage
Micro: If this behavior continues, I won't hesitate to start this whole thing over. From the top, new cast and everything.
the queens snicker at Micro's comment, causing her to stand up and lean over the judging panel
Micro: I am NOT joking! Don't make me name names. But if you think you're one of the girls I'd replace, you're probably right.
the scene cuts to Lectro and Yuka standing outside of the studio and forming a prayer circle for the season to restart
🏁Kami CF: The behavior during Untucked shifted everything. I mean, it's really not that deep, and to stoop to that level? It's...it's just not acceptable.
Micro: Now, as much as I'm sure you'd love to keep attacking each other, we have more important things to get to: a fake lipsync. Will the top two queens please step forward.
Anthyy Lipsync Look
Zodya Lipsync Look
Micro: Anthyy, Zodya. Prior to tonight, you were asked to prepare a lipsync performance of "Supernova" by Kylie Minogue.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcTHJ05R2bQ
Sue: Please say jk.
🏁Sue CF: I'm fine! I'm so fine, don't even worry about me. cries in Kylie Minogue
Micro: This is your chance to impress me, and secure the right to give one of the bottom queens...the chop.
🏁Anthyy CF: I really felt like I was in a tough spot with these queens in the bottom. But after that moment in Untucked, I know what needs to be done. It was taken way too far!
🏁Zodya CF: I don't have a connection to either of the bottom queens this week. But I am ready to channel my inner Sue, and give this song what it deserves.
Micro: Good luck, and don't fuck it up!
Read lipsync here!
Micro: Oh wow!
the queens clap for Sue as she shrouds herself in a cloud of glitter before remembering that Anthyy and Zodya are on stage
Micro: I think it's safe to say Sue was the real winner of that one.
Sue: Kylie, that was for you, baby!!
Micro: Ladies, I've made my decision.
...
Micro: Zodya Killer, you're a winner baby!
Zodya: Ah, thank you! Kylie, I am so sorry.
Micro: Anthyy, you are safe to slay another day.
Anthyy: I'm sorry mama, my feet were tired after doing three of these!
Zodya giggles and raises her eyebrows
Micro: Will the bottom two queens please step forward.
Fleur and Sharris walk to the front of the stage as the safe queens glare at them
🏁Fleur CF: I don't think I should be in the bottom this week, and I shouldn't have been near the bottom last week either! If they send me home, it's just putting me out of my misery. But if I stay, I'll make this hell for each and every one of them.
🏁Sharris CF: I don't regret a thing. It went far, but there's only so much I could take from that...person doesn't feel appropriate. I think pathetic troglodyte fits Wren better. Whether they like it or not, I'd say it again!
Micro: Zodya. With great power comes great responsibility. Which queen have you chosen...to get the chop?
Zodya: I'm going to be honest, I don't have any strong connections to either of you. I think you both deserve to be here and can be able to bring something fun to the rest of the competition, but tonight, I'm going to have to go with the person I felt really took on the challenge to heart. My decision...is...
...
...
Zodya: Sharris.
Zodya's Lipstick Choice
Sharris laughs as Morgs begins to tear up
Micro: So it is written, so it shall be done. Sharris, I know that you have everything it takes to thrive in a competition like this. But now is not your time.
Sharris: Womp womp.
Micro: Now, sashay away.
Sharris goes to the back of the stage to hug Morgs before walking off
Micro: Moving forward, I hope we can treat each other with some more kindness, and enjoy this for what it is. Now, let the music play!
"Banjo" by Bebe Zahara Benet plays
Next Time on Micro's Drag Race
Blondie: There is a killer on the loose, and nobody is safe.
🏁Whorechata CF: If this means I make a few enemies, oh well!
Micro: I'm so sorry, I need to excuse myself.
Micro steps away from the judging panel as her eyes fill with tears
Track Record
Cast Shot w/ Placements